It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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