youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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