I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
