My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
