Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize