I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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