My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
