I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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