Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
