When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
