Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
