I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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