Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
