On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
