Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
