He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Acid is not a monday night drug
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize
