Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
