I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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