fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
