So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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