Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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