I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
