Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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