I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.