Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.

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  (773): He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed. http://tfl.nu/ua73
  Replies (5) Good night (902) Bad night (1973)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  pedialite and red bull = repair kit

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  (954): pedialite and red bull = repair kit http://tfl.nu/fijn
  Replies (22) Good night (3385) Bad night (745)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

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  (303): i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed http://tfl.nu/xgm0
  Replies (43) Good night (2081) Bad night (14191)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.

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  (702): Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes. http://tfl.nu/674n
  Replies (18) Good night (1330) Bad night (3403)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"

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  (718): I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!" http://tfl.nu/wp1u
  Replies (29) Good night (8355) Bad night (1179)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend

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  (412): she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend http://tfl.nu/4xq5
  Replies (16) Good night (5774) Bad night (926)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.

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  (940): Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him. http://tfl.nu/o9z5
  Replies (10) Good night (987) Bad night (3512)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.

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  (570): Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza. http://tfl.nu/epfb
  Replies (8) Good night (2696) Bad night (924)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.

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  (989): i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway. http://tfl.nu/zfm5
  Replies (1) Good night (2591) Bad night (672)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.

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  (937): How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold. http://tfl.nu/0xc1
  Replies (14) Good night (2833) Bad night (719)
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  (646): View more from New York

  I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.

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  (646): I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar. http://tfl.nu/2k0c
  Replies (5) Good night (1150) Bad night (321)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.

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  (314): You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad (224): I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick. http://tfl.nu/vatm
  Replies (2) Good night (342) Bad night (1113)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.

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  (505): We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing. http://tfl.nu/u4qz
  Replies (2) Good night (951) Bad night (280)
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  (650): View more from California

  I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?

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  (650): I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night? http://tfl.nu/apf6
  Replies (4) Good night (754) Bad night (555)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?

  (1-518): View more from New York

  ...you should fill the cart some more

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  (518): Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it? (1-518): ...you should fill the cart some more http://tfl.nu/ls8l
  Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (282)

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