I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho