Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.