Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'

(312): View more from Illinois

i was like PREG?

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(810): View more from Michigan

I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...

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(904): View more from Florida

i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy

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(786): View more from Florida

I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(712): View more from Iowa

Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns

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(619): View more from California

It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.

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(914): View more from New York

We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.

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(850): View more from Florida

I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot

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