you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
