did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
