I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
