The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
