she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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