I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
