You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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