that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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