I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
