Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
