He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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