My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
