mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
