I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
