Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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