I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i believe in u and ur pee
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
