so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
