If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
