Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Randomize
