Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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