Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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