I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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