Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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