I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
