I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
