also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
