If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
