Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
