Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
