Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize