oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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