dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
