so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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