Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
