I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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