he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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