Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
