Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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