Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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