ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do you have feelings for this penis?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
