how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
