I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
