I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
