He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
