And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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