I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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