I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
