Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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